WAAAAACHOOOO!!

The sneeze rang out in the car and jolted me from the half-awake state I was in.  The nasal explosion was followed by a brief sniff from Pumba as he tried to gain control of the mucous in his nose.

“Well that didn’t take long,” he managed, “We aren’t in PA for more than an hour or so and already I can barely breath and my sinuses are terrible!”

“Yeah that’s the way it is,” I replied, “You land after being in the Nevada desert for a week, exit the plane, and BLAM – that quick you can’t breath.”  I thought for a moment and then sarcastically added “God bless Pennsylvania…whatever would we do without it!”

Pumba gave a chuckle and then got very quiet.  Several seconds later he spoke again;

“If it wasn’t for the kids, I’d of seriously considered staying.”

It occurred to me at that moment that I didn’t have near as good an excuse as he did for remaining a PA resident, but nevertheless I nodded my head in agreement and left it at that.  We had just come off of a weeklong trip to Nevada that involved a nice sized brothel crawl, lots of parties, fun in Vegas, injuries, and – yes – the typical crazy, juvenile behavior that you have likely become used to if you read my trip reports.  This marked the first occasion that ‘east met west’ as representatives of both sides of my life came together.  Unlike past visits, friends from my personal life joined me.  It was my joy to experience Vegas with them and, in some cases, completely initiate them to LPIN and Vegas.  It was a great trip that had tons of content and little sleep – as is often the case for my visits.  Neither the full schedule nor the lack of shut-eye had any adverse effect on our enjoyment, but it did leave us really worn out on the way home.  Now here at the end, in a car alone with Pumba, I was finding myself barely able to form vowels. 

Pumba reminded me of how I felt after my first visit.  There was an over-riding sense that he needed to come home.  Yet somewhere in the pit of his stomach there was a sort of hunger pang for the taste of Nevada – a sense of something delicious and unknown to him prior to our visit – and a taste that now haunted him and begged him to return to dine from its menu once again. 

For the next several miles we talked of a return visit, when it might be, and of the ‘real life’ stuff that remained in the way.  At long last we arrived in front of the house and Pumba dropped me off.  He graciously helped me get my bags to the door, which was good as I’m not sure I could have managed them myself at that particular moment.  After we said our goodbyes, I watched him drive off before closing the door and locking it.  I rested my forehead against the large oak door and gave a weary sigh.  The trip had been exhausting, and so far as I was concerned it wasn’t over yet.  I had one more little ritual to do.

I made my way upstairs with my luggage in tow, and then stripped down in my bedroom.  Grabbing my beloved Sheri’s Ranch bathrobe out of the closet, I made my way to the shower.  This is the way I always end my trip: with a final shower to wash away the ‘travel ick’ that tends to cling to you on long plane trips.  I washed, I scrubbed, and I moaned (not like that!) as I gave an extra scrub to sore muscles that were a direct result of the insane amount of walking I had done on this trip.  I even found a wayward blonde hair that apparently had managed to, despite a shower after the party, cling to me from my encounter with Mercedes.  I chuckled when I found it since she had insisted it was going to happen.  How right she was!

With bathing behind me, I dried myself outside the shower.  I had no real problem letting the cool air hit my body.  It was simply a reminder that I was back in PA.  I put on my robe and slowly made my way to the bedroom.  Once there I collapsed on the bed.  It felt good to be in my own room, in my own bed, with my head resting on my own pillows.  I sighed one last time…and then I fell asleep. 

***

Departure

The alarm sounded and I jolted awake.  I wearily acknowledged the gadget’s obsessive beeping with a sigh and a push of the ‘snooze’ button.  It was 1:00am and I had only managed about 3 hours of sleep.  That was hardly enough for the day I was about to face but that didn’t stop me from getting up ten minutes later to begin getting ready. 

Pumba was picking me up at 3:00 – or so that was the plan.  I figured I had plenty of time to slowly get ready and move my bags to the door.  I was wrong.  At 2:00, Pumba showed up ready to go.  I had to make him wait a bit until I was prepared to leave.  Finally at 2:30 we were on our way.  We made a brief stop to join up with Stripe and our fourth traveling companion – The erstwhile Ubi - before making our way to Baltimore. 

We had decided to take Stripe’s station wagon (one of the three vehicles he owns) to the airport as it had enough room to carry our extensive amount of luggage.  Prior to the journey, Stripe swears the vehicle was operating fine, however on the way down, we found that the ‘check engine’ light came on.  After a brief meeting of the minds we decided that we would not be stopped and even if the damn thing blew up in the process – we were going to make that flight!  So we tempted fate and kept going.

Ordinarily, either Ubi or my ‘sister’ Jackie (of prior trip report fame) takes me to Baltimore/Washington International.  With Ubi going with me on the journey, and Jackie on the heels of birthing a baby, it didn’t seem like a ‘driver’ was going to be available.  So we decided to leave the car at a long term parking facility called “Pre Flight.”  For those of you who need a long term parking option, and have this outfit available, USE IT!  It was one of the easiest things we ever did, inexpensive, and very helpful.  We got to the facility, parked, and within MOMENTS the bus to the terminal showed up right at our car.  That’s right…it stopped and picked us up AT OUR VEHICLE.  The driver loaded our baggage for us, drove us to the terminal, and then unloaded the baggage.  We tipped him and then made our way inside.

We all looked at each other and let out a sigh as we knew what was coming next – baggage weight station.  I have a bad habit of over-packing for a trip.  Normally this isn’t a problem as I check two bags.  I was determined to avoid that on this trip.  Ubi was in the same boat.  This was a major mistake on both of our parts as each of us was over the weight limit by about 10 pounds.  Fortunately, we had a back-up plan and rearranged our luggage quickly to avoid the obscene ‘service fee’ for being over the weight limit.  This small SNAFU behind us, we made our way to security.  I am happy to report that, unlike some of my prior visits, I was not yanked aside and introduced to a legion of guards and security that detected (*GASP*) cuticle scissors in my carry on.  I’m somewhat amazed that I wasn’t labeled a ‘person of interest’ after that minor faux-paux on my part.  I was totally stoked at this point.  It seemed like the trip to Vegas was going to go PERFECTLY!

….Well at least it seemed that way for a time!

The Flight

Pumba and I, despite chides from Ubi that we were drunks, decided to have a pre-flight drink at 6:30 in the morning.  Those of you who are loyal readers know that I’m not exactly a fan of flying and do it out of necessity rather than enjoyment.  I figured this would take the edge off.  I haven’t been drinking anything since the premiere (trying to give up on it) and figured one wouldn’t hurt.  Looking back on it, I should have had three and crashed on the plane.  I stopped at one…and didn’t eat anything.  An hour in to the flight I was starved and I made the horrible error of buying the in-flight food.

…well

Certain types of items labeled as ‘food’ are evidently named so in error.  By the last hour of the flight my body was engaged in an epic battle with the faux cuisine – and my body was losing.  In a final effort to remove the offending items from my intestinal tract, my brain gave order to ‘make a run for it.’  So I made my way to the bathroom.

Airline bathrooms are the smallest bathrooms in the world.  They are smaller than most port-o-potties and only smell slightly better in my estimation.  I avoid using them as much as possible but, on this particular journey, there was no chance in hell I was going to hold out for another hour.  I will skip on the details, but will leave you with several things I learned from the incident:

1. Airline food is the devil!

2. Turbulance and bathrooms don’t mix

3. One should refrain from a ‘courtesy flush’ in an airline bathroom, as doing so could result in your ass being vacuumed right off your body.

I left the restroom feeling slightly better than when I went in.  I wish I could have apologized to the poor unsuspecting sap that went in there after me – and who was likely met with a horrific smell that could have dropped a water buffalo at 30 yards – but I’ll be comfortable in the concept that it was probably bad karma coming back to bite him in the ass.

Upon our arrival at McCarran, we exited the plane.  I took a brief moment to look skyward and sniff the desert air.  I then simply uttered…”home” before continuing to lead the guys to baggage claim.  Once there, we were met by Deadpool (formerly – and some places currently – Fastweb) and Cronos.  Both had arrived to help get us moved to our hotel.  Cronos was having some difficulty already that morning, as Enterprise had given him a defective rental car for his journey from LA to Vegas.  After the car ‘died’ en route, he had to depend on Deadpool to come get him and take him to town.  The goal was to get us to the hotel in our vehicle with as much of our luggage as we could fit in it.  Deadpool could take the rest and in his vehicle and get Cronos to the local Enterprise.  Once the issue was resolved, and a new vehicle given to Cronos, they could deliver the rest of the luggage and meet us at the hotel. 

Ubi, Stripe, and myself made our way to the hotel and checked in.  We waited in the room for what seemed like an eternity before the others arrived.  Then we were hit with a long explanation (that I’m sure Cronos will hit in his trip report) that involved a very irritating series of events with Enterprise that ultimately caused Cronos to get stuck with a dirty, smelly, POS Chrysler PT Cruiser for a vehicle.  Now let me be clear that I happen to like PT Cruisers – heck I used to sell them – But when they smell like animals and haven’t been cleaned in an eternity they can get a little NASTY!  While I’m sure it goes without say, Cronos was ‘highly displeased’ with Enterprise’s lack of customer service ability.  I was impressed that he didn’t kill anybody and glad that I insisted he leave his katana at home since I’m sure not having his sword present was the only thing that prevented the moron manager at Enterprise from being cleaved in two.  Cronos promptly left with Deadpool to check in at Sheri’s.  We told him we would meet up with him that evening.    With them gone, we decided to get cleaned up and ‘get our geek on’ over at the Star Trek Experience.

I have been to the Star Trek Experience twice – and I’m not a huge Star Trek fan.  Despite that small issue, I’ve always enjoyed my time there.  Stripe has been there before also.  Ubi and Pumba, both huge Star Trek fans, had never experienced it though.  I was very excited to be there for this as it was really fun to see them enjoy it for the first time.  I think I had more enjoyment watching them than I did on the rides themselves. 

For those that haven’t experienced the attraction, I would like to state that I maintain my opinion that the original ride “Klingon Encounter” is still better than the newer “Borg 4D” ride.  That seemed to be the consensus of all four of us as we discussed the rides at Quark’s Bar afterward.  Stripe downed a rack of ribs that could have choked a T-Rex and I relaxed with a mild Romulan Ale that didn’t come near to living up to the fictional drink’s reputation.  Another consensus reached is that my version of the drink was far more deadly than the version sold at the Experience.  After an enjoyable time at the experience, we made our way to Red Rock Canyon.

I have long held that Red Rock is probably the cheapest day you will have in Vegas, and yet manages to be one of the most breathtaking.  For all its man-made beauty, Nevada’s true gems often are the natural beauty that nature has provided us.  We climbed all over the rocks and took hundreds of pictures.  At one point, overwhelmed by the beauty of it all, Ubi took off his shoes and socks to walk on the stones barefoot.  It was interesting to see him so emotionally touched by nature.  I would have never expected him to react like that.  We would have stayed longer but night was quickly descending on us.  We took our leave of Red Rock Canyon confident that we had a spiritual experience with the earth.

It was as this point that we made our way to Sheri’s.  Although Ubi had no interest in going (he’s gay) he decided to check it out just once to see what it is we were so fascinated by.  Ultimately it seemed to be a rather sobering experience for him as this was the first time he found himself in an overtly heterosexual place.  At one point he seemed to see exactly what it is like for the rest of us when we have joined him at a gay bar.  I’m glad he did it, and hope he takes something from it as it relates to a better understanding of what feelings or emotions we, his friends, have overcome in our time knowing him.  While this was a good thing from where I sat, it was hardly where the real story of the evening was to be found.

There were two stories that were buzzing around in my head prior to this trip.  First, the well-documented management upheaval at Sheri’s and the questions surrounding how things would pan out for us customers in all of this, second, the return of arguably the most beloved bartender in brothel history – Jaynie. 

Upon my arrival at the Valley Inn, I entered cautiously as I was unsure of what to expect.  To begin with, most of the ladies I had known well at Sheri’s had either retired or gone elsewhere in the last year.  To make matters worse, there was the confusion and uncertainty of the ‘new management’ issue swirling around my head.  For a regular customer these things can be rather unnerving.  Nevertheless, I kept an open mind and entered the bar. 

Last year I spent some time in my trip report ragging on the conditions of the Valley Inn bar.  When last I crossed its threshold, the place looked a little worse for wear and was in desperate need of an ‘upgrade.’  I’m happy to report that my words were heard!

The Valley Inn has seen a complete over-haul.  New paint, new carpet, new tile work, new upholstery on the seats – heck they even recovered the pool table!  If memory serves from the last time I was there, they have done away with a tall table or two – not that it seems to be much of a big deal.  I’m very pleased with the re-deco.  The place really needed it and totally benefits from the changes.  The parlor has seen an addition of a curtain to keep it private from the bar.  Apparently the “lookieloos” got to be too much for the folks getting a line-up.  Honestly, I like the addition of this curtain as I think it serves to draw a clear line between the bar and the parlor and keeps folks from wandering where they aren’t supposed to be without ‘company.’  I got the feeling that Sheri’s is trying to get back to where they were in years gone by….and that attempt didn’t stop with the changes to the bar.

I barely made it half way to the bar when Jaynie spied me.  She came out from behind the bar and tossed her arms around me.  I’m happy to report that Jaynie is looking great and appears to be back in perfect health.  Those of you who stay in touch with Jaynie know that she was in a rather serious motorcycle accident a few months back.  To look at her, you would never know anything happened to her.  It did my heart good to see my dear friend up and about and seemingly suffering no ill effects from an accident that could have easily taken her life.  Jaynie is back and is just as good as ever behind the bar.  Her presence is just as reassuring as ever and added some familiarity to the ole’ place that I was very concerned would be lacking.  It wasn’t long before I was treated to some other fantastic news:  Shift Manager Victoria has also returned!

Those of you who are either long time Sheri’s customers or WERE Sheri’s customers ‘back in the day’ will remember Victoria.  The laugh-a-minute ‘mama’ of the house has returned and is a welcome sight for those of us that always enjoy a good laugh with the staff.  A few years ago Victoria, Janine, and myself got in to a kissing match in the bar that had security and Dante in stitches.  Naturally, we rekindled the whole thing by greeting each other with a big kiss in the bar.  If only Janine would come back I’d be in great shape!

I would be remiss if I didn’t touch on some things that caught me off guard given my history with Sheri’s and my previous experiences there.  The changes have brought with them a few new things to watch out for.  I’ll expound upon those now.

Some of the prices quoted at Sheri’s these days are a bit outlandish and are considerably more than is being quoted elsewhere.  I’ve not run in to this prior to this trip, and I will concede that all price points are still available at Sheri’s….though it just seems to me that it may take a little more savvy negotiating than it once did.  I chalk this up to a lot of ‘new blood’ being in the house.  I think when you consider the fact that I’m getting older and the girls are getting younger it is possible that I might just be getting too old for this business.  For the first time some of my brothel business went elsewhere as I partied at the Wild Horse.  I was a Sheri’s purist for a long time and to say that I went elsewhere should be an indication that things have changed a bit.  Your negotiation skills are going to come in handy – bottom line – and as always, your mileage may vary. 

One other thing that I believe deserves mention is the fact that Sheri’s now advertises a ‘free hotel stay’ with the purchase of a party.  Well…I bought a party….but I didn’t receive anything indicating a free hotel stay.  Stripe did.  I didn’t.  I’m not sure if you need to declare that or not, and to be frank I completely forgot about the damn thing until I had left the ranch so I suppose it’s a little late now.  Nevertheless, I shouldn’t have had to ask for it nor should it have been overlooked.  I chalk this up to two things: first, a ton of new girls and second a ton of new management.  Small things are going to get overlooked and I’m hopeful that as time progresses the story will get straightened out there and things will get fixed.  Until then, I advise you to ASK for your certificate if you party to make sure you get what is coming to you.  Keep in mind there is a minimum party price to get the certificate.

Those things being said, I’ll get back to the story now…

Some of the new girls introduced themselves as time went by.  I had occasion to meet Arielle that first night.  Arielle is a beautiful little Russian girl who, if memory serves, spent time at the Kit Kat before venturing to Sheri’s.  Her real life girlfriend Alana has joined her at Sheri’s and, from what Stripe tells me, they offer one hum-dinger of a two girl party.  I won’t speak for Stripe, but I will say that the following day he looked at me and I asked him how it was.  His response was simply: “Well…I had 13 fantasies yet to live…now…I only have one left!”  I can’t say that I spent a huge volume of time speaking with Arielle but what little time I did spend was rather pleasant.  She seems like a really nice girl and has a killer figure.  I would certainly consider a negotiation with Arielle and had she been in the bar at the right time I may have very well done so this trip.  Such is life – opportunities get missed on occasion – perhaps I will have another chance at another time.

I got a bit of a chuckle out of some of the girls asking if I’d been there before.  I just smiled and advised that I’d been coming to Sheri’s for years now.  Jaynie also got a chuckle from the same thing – after which she indicated that if I’d get my ass out there more often people would know who the hell I was.  I suppose Jaynie has a point there.  This trip was 17 months removed from the last one…and the whole world had blown up at Sheri’s in that time.  I best stop being such a stranger!

Later in the evening I was able to join Pumba and Cronos for a conversation with Morgan Rae.  For those that haven’t met Morgan I highly recommend taking some time to talk with her and having a ‘look-see.’  This all-natural beauty really stands out in my view – both for her appearance and her personality.  I found it hard to decide if I was more attracted to her looks or her personality – as did Pumba who was taken with her from that first meeting.  As the hours went by, I became well aware that it was long past the time to head back to Vegas.  Begrudgingly, Pumba and Stripe got in the car and we headed back to town.

I noticed her shortly after I walked in the door.  She was sitting with a group of ladies – some of which I recognized, some I didn’t.  At one point, while Cronos and I were conversing with Anna, I decided to get April’s attention.  Upon spying her in the bar I called out to her.

“Hey April,” I said “You’re really hot!”

April turned around and shot me a smile before responding

“Thanks,” she said “Want to f#@k me?”

Now that’s one for the record books folks!  Because I didn’t expect her to say that…so…I was pretty much speechless.  As I recall, the only response I could manage was looking at Cronos and saying ‘NICE!’ as she walked towards me and sat down.

Let me just say that April has one of the most beautiful bodies I’ve ever seen in my life and I couldn’t help but notice (up close and personal) how perfect her backside is.  Cronos and I would discuss (at length) what we concluded was nature’s most perfect ass for the remainder of our stay in Nevada.  The ONLY regret I have from this trip is not taking April back to her room.  If given the opportunity and the stars align during a negotiation, I will do just that when I get back there.  She’s hot….’nuff said!

The renovations that Dennis has completed are fantastic.  I love the new exterior of the place, which, in my opinion, is far more inviting than the old one.  While I understand that a gate is going to be installed, I much preferred the ability to walk in without the gate.  This is a very welcoming way of permitting folks to enter a house and I appreciate it at every house that has it.  I had occasion to see the sometimes mentioned, but rarely discussed water room.  I must say it has huge possibilities and I think it would be totally fun to try out.  It’s definitely something you aren’t going to see everywhere.

After our stay at the Bunny Ranch, it was time to move on to The Wild Horse where we were expected at 7:00.

Traffic….and Following Dr. Who

With time on our side (we left a bit early) we assumed we would hit exit 28 with plenty of time to spare.  Dr. Who had suggested leaving early due to traffic, which I failed to believe would be a problem.  As fate would have it, the good doctor was right and I was eating crow.  Evidently some accident caused a major problem with congestion.  For a time I wasn’t sure we were going to make it on time but fortunately the good doctor knew a short cut.  I wouldn’t be able to take you on the route again if I tried as we were all over the place.  In the end, we managed to go around the problem area and get back on the highway.  With nothing but open road in front of us we (trying to keep up with Dr. “Mario Andreti” Who) put the pedal to the metal and made our way to the Wild Horse. 

Despite delays, we still managed to get there early.  I think that marks the first – and likely the last – time we have ever made it ANYWHERE on time.  This likely comes as no shock to anybody that has spent time with us as we tend to get waylaid by beautiful women everywhere we go causing delays or, as in last year’s case, deal with Cronos’ ‘grandma driving.’  Sure he gives excuses about being tired and driving for like 15 hours, blah, blah, blah….er..wait…where was I?  Oh yes…the Wild Horse…

Since I was at the Wild Horse last, the cage in the bar has gone the way of the do-do.  Dancers still perform on both the stage and an area of the bar for tips (please tip them people!) Both Lance and Susan stopped by to say ‘hello’ and were gracious as always, as was the entire staff that I encountered – which included security, the girl in the office, and one of the chefs who brought the ‘nibbly things’ out.  Speaking of food, I want to interject here that the Wild Horse has one hell of a kitchen staff.  I have been to the place twice and both times was treated to some very fine cuisine – first, an Easter dinner last year that featured one of the most varied menus I’ve ever seen for the holiday feast and then this trip to what I would call the fanciest and best tasting ‘bar food’ I’ve ever had.  From someone who has spent as much time in bars as I have in my youth, that’s saying a lot.  I’m not sure I can claim to know what everything was I ate, but that didn’t stop me.  I subscribe to well-known chef Andrew Zimmern’s school of thought:  If it looks good, eat it.  (Shut up, Cronos!)

While at the ranch I had occasion to catch up with Max.  I haven’t seen Max in several years and it was good to see her again.  I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that in my estimation Max is looking better than she ever has and is ready to rock anybody’s world that so happens to take her behind the green door.  As those who know her have come to expect, Max is still honest as ever and takes no prisoners.  I’ve always respected that about her. 

Naturally one of the bigger stories with our visit to this house is in the fact that a new Posse Queen was crowned.  I found it somewhat interesting that three of the five Posse Queens were at the Wild Horse that evening, and a fourth works there, but was off.  The line of Queens was added to when I had the honor of placing the tiara on a very surprised and overly appreciative Janelle Monroe.  Ladies have been excited in the past, and Lilly even shed a tear, but nobody has openly cried to the point of shaking with excitement over winning.  Janelle did.  Janelle didn’t just win either…she won by a HUGE margin.  This year’s vote saw more than triple the number of voters I normally see and Janelle bested the first runner up by far.  Unlike previous years where it may have come down to one vote, this year was very decisive.  She was nominated by her peers, made her way in to the finals thanks to the guys, and won thanks to everyone voting.  The people have spoken, and Queen Janelle reigns supreme. 

In other award news, Jenna Monroe won for Best Smile and Lilly added to her pile of awards with a “Most Photogenic” nod.  Both were very deserving in my view.  And speaking of Lilly…

As I’m sure most of the world has figured by now, Lilly and I added another adventure to our total this trip, bringing the number of parties we’ve had together to 7 if memory serves.  Naturally, a review will be forthcoming but suffice to say that it was a fabulous time as always. I must admit that the Wild Horse’s way of doing things makes it pretty cool.  You don’t have to wait a million years for the girl to get back to the room or anything since you are right next to the office.  I’m all about this as it gets you ‘to the dance’ a great deal quicker than the alternative does.

I also had occasion to meet Flyfisher for the first time.  I’ve gone on record before saying that Fly was one of those guys that I’ve always wanted to meet but never had the chance to.  It was good to finally put a face to the name and meet the #1 ‘hoser’ in LPIN. 

It was hard to leave that night.  I didn’t want to leave, Lilly didn’t want me to leave, Janelle didn’t want ANYBODY to leave, nevertheless we had to get back to the Bunny Ranch, grab Stripe, and then high tail it to the airport to make our way back to Vegas, there was plenty of vacation left to live…and a southern leg of the journey to make.

We picked up Stripe and made our way to the airport.  Once inside I was dragged aside by security and searched for the source of whatever was setting off the metal detector.  It turns out it was the buttons on my shorts!  Once I’d been groped and fondled – and not in the good way – we made our way to our gate and passed out for an hour or so waiting to board the plane.

The Nevada Brothels Posse Gathering V: Southern Leg

I think all three of us caught a nap on the way back.  That short respite didn’t do us much good there and by the time I got back to the hotel I was a zombie.  I took a shower and then laid down for a short bit….that didn’t last long though as we had more ‘crawling’ to do.

Cronos, Stripe, and myself – now joined by Deadpool and Pumba – made our way out to the houses.  The first thing I did was to join Cronos in a trip to his room, whereupon I fell asleep on the couch.  Thankfully, he let me sleep a couple of hours before rousting me to field a phone call that had come for me.  At this point I looked at the time and realized I was missing all the fun – I couldn’t have that!

In the bar, Stripe had taken up residence in a booth talking with Arielle and Alana.  Pumba was talking with Morgan.  We were able to wrestle them both away for a short spell to go next door and give the other Arielle her award for Miss Congeniality.  I was also able to grant Kat her award for Nicest Figure.  That small job done, the awards had officially come to a close for another year. 

Things were deathly quiet at the CR.  I saw Jade briefly while she was meeting with a gentleman in the bar.  Other than Jade and Arielle I couldn’t tell you who was working or what was going on as I didn’t see hide nor hair of anybody else.  Oh well….such is life. 

When we returned to Sheri’s, Pumba and Stripe picked up where they left off with their respective ladies.  Cronos and I took a seat at the bar and ordered some food.  As we ate, I turned and noticed that Pumba was gone….shortly thereafter, Stripe disappeared to the back also.  Cronos and I decided to go back to his room for some further rest – which we did. 

A bit later, we ventured back in to the bar to see that Pumba had returned from his encounter with Morgan…but…something seemed amiss.  It appeared that Pumba was limping and was having some knee trouble.  And that’s when we heard the story.

Evidently, after Pumba and Morgan had finished, they were laying on her bed talking.  At one point, Pumba decided to get up and his leg went out from under him.  Whereupon Pumba dropped to the floor, cracking one of his knees on the bed frame and the other was almost impaled with one of Morgan’s stilettos.  Bruises were already forming as were tears in our eyes from laughing so hard we were crying.  We collectively decided that the injury from the bed frame would affectionately be known as his “Morgan” going forward, which, point of fact, has lead to some interesting looks and stories as we continue to ask him how his “Morgan” is at the most inconvenient and embarrassing opportunities now that we are back in PA. 

An hour or so later, Stripe emerged from the back.  He had this look of peace and exhaustion on his face.  In fact, his demeanor reminded me of what you would expect from someone who had just come back from a near death experience and glanced in to the eyes of Saint Peter at the “pearly gates.”  Speaking of “Saint Peter,” it’s relevant information for anybody who consistently reads my trip reports that, unlike Deadpool, Stripe didn’t ask me if I was the afore mentioned saint.  Nevertheless, his hair was a mess, his smile was not going away, and he was as mellow as mellow could be.  Evidently, a two-girl with Arielle and Alana was an experience that he will never forget and, judging from his demeanor after it was over, I’d say he had one of the best times in his life.  We stuck around a brief while and then decided to make our way back to town. 

Once we got back, Pumba and I headed out for a walk.  We decided to check out Circus Circus.  Let me just say that apparently Circus Circus attracts all the juvenile delinquents from the area as near as we could tell.  We didn’t spend very long there and ended up catching a cab back to the Sahara – screw that walking shit!  Once back, we ventured in to the casino to watch a cover band in the lounge for a short while before heading off to bed.  The arms of Morpheus came quickly and I drifted off, comforted by the knowledge that another great day lay ahead. 

SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY…

I arose on Sunday feeling like a new man.  This was the first decent nights sleep I had on this trip.  It is not unusual for me to skip out on sleep while I’m in town, but this trip had been particularly brutal when it came to that.  In the early part of the day we headed to the MGM Grand where we planned to grab a bite to eat, shop a little, and pick up our tickets for Zumanity.  We did all three of those things – including a lunch at Grand Wok.  More on Grand Wok later – suffice to say for now that it’s a GREAT restaurant. 

The KA gift shop was of particular interest to me as its size is much larger than the other Cirque gift shops I’ve been to.  They had some really cool stuff in there – including a FAAAAABULOUS mask in the shape of the sun made completely out of leather.  It was beautiful.  Alas, I couldn’t bring myself to buy the item as it was in the multiple hundreds of dollars and I’m a cheap bitch.  Honestly, it was more the latter than the former that caused that decision.  I did spring for a collector’s edition soundtrack of Varekai – another one of Cirque’s productions – while I was there.  I’ve enjoyed it immensely since I got back.  It was mid afternoon by the time we got back to the hotel.  The time was now to begin to prepare for our evening out. 

Steppin’ Out…

Cronos, Pumba, Ubi, Stripe, and myself were headed to see Zumanity.  Before we did however, we met up with Dr. Who and “Bubbles”…er…I mean Deadpool at Kahunaville.  Kahunaville is one of my normal Vegas haunts.  We had a great meal, Pumba got drunk (no shock), and all of us enjoyed a laugh or two or twelve at his expense.  As the meal came to a close, the time had arrived to make our way to New York New York and see the show.  We bid farewell to Dr. Who and Deadpool and moved on our way.

I saw Zumanity on my last trip to Vegas and had raved about it ever since.  Taking a cue from yours truly, the guys decided to see what all the hub-bub was about and see it.  This was just fine so far as I was concerned since I had no objection to seeing the show again.  Upon our arrival at the show, we posed for a group picture.  They have these photographers at the show that take your photo and then sell it to you after the show.  Normally, I don’t get taken by deals like this, but hey…it was Vegas, it was a great show, and I had the money so what the hell?!  I’m really glad I bought that photo set as I think its one of the better things I bought on the trip.  Our seats were some of the best in the house and the show was phenomenal.  As a bunch of performers with varying degrees of experience, the five of us were honored to be the first to lead the audience in a well-deserved standing ovation at curtain call.  Naturally, we made as much noise as possible to voice our approval.  I have NEVER in my life seen a bad Cirque show…so…when you’re in town, take that for what its worth and go see one! 

After the show let out, Cronos and I had some business to take care of while the others made their way to the volcano at the Mirage and to see the Sirens of TI.  Alas, the Sirens were sidelined due to winds that evening.  We all met back at the hotel a brief time later, where it was decided that we would call it a night…or so I thought I was.

My plan was to crash, but I was a little hungry.  It also happened that Ubi was having a…uh…”friend” over for…well…you know.  So I had to make myself scarce.  As luck would have it, Pumba and Stripe also had a hankering for something to eat.  We got in the car and went looking for food.

Several blocks off the strip, we came upon a late night sushi bar – yes…that’s right…a late night sushi bar!  So naturally…we went in.  The sushi chef was a very affable fellow and the food was excellent.  We really enjoyed ourselves and, in fact, stayed long enough to close the place!  After our good meal, we made our way back to the hotel and crashed.  I think all of us were, to say the least, exhausted.  Sleep came quickly…and we bid a farewell to yet another day.

Monday & Wax Dummies…

On Monday we decided to do some touristy stuff again.  We thought some shopping might be what the doctor ordered.  We spent some time at Desert Passage – which is quickly being converted in to the “Miracle Mile.”  I was happy to visit Desert Passage one last time before it is converted.  It was one of my favorite places in Vegas so I’ll miss it.  Once we completed our experience there, we moved on to the Canal shops at The Venetian. 

The Canal Shops are an interesting experience.  You got water all over the place, people singing opera, human statues, over-priced shops, and great people watching experiences.  You also have another little thing going on that many folks may not be familiar with.  Apparently there is this company that is now set up doing ‘test marketing’ of new television shows – and they randomly ask you if you want to help out.  Basically you give them an hour of your time, preview a new show, give your opinions, and they give you something free.  In this case, we previewed a show bound for The Discovery Channel that I promptly forgot about when I left town and for our trouble we were given free passes to Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum. 

I really thought I’d find Madame Tussaud’s boring.  I’d been to the one in Niagra Falls years ago and wasn’t all that impressed.  Nevertheless, it was free, so I figured it couldn’t hurt to check the place out.  I was glad I did.  We actually had a blast.  Unlike other wax museums, you can interact with the displays.  So you can get a picture with Lucy Ricardo or with “The Rock” or any other number of celebrities.  Naturally, we hammed it up for a couple of hours and enjoyed ourselves.  We took a ton of photos – some of which have found their way on to my MySpace listing.  It’s fun….check it out!

About this time we made our way back the hotel.  Pumba, Stripe, and Ubi were on their way to see “La Cage.”  I had elected not to partake as I wasn’t all that interested in seeing it.  Afterward they all said they had a great time so perhaps on another occasion I’ll check it out.  After they took their leave, I met up with Cronos for a dining experience. 

After our small lunch at Grand Wok, I had the desire to go back and try out the whole experience.  As a self-professed ‘foodie,’ I never miss a chance to enjoy a good dining adventure.  Grand Wok has a full menu of Asian cuisine.  Chinese, Japanese, Thai - all ‘the faiths’ are represented.  As I had no idea what to order, I left it in the capable hands of Cronos – who is Chinese for those keeping score – to order for us.  I did pick out a few sushi rolls for an appetizer.  We had some sort of chicken that was in a spicy peanut sauce that was to die for.  The sushi was really top notch and very fresh.  Our main course was something called Congi (sp?) with chicken and thousand year old eggs in it.  It was excellent…so was the bottle of plum wine we drank between the two of us.  To end the meal, I had the pleasure of Mandarin Crème’ Brule’.  Somewhere exists a photo of me enjoying the treat.  Cronos entitled the photo “Culinary Orgasm” if that gives you any indication of how much I enjoyed it. 

Once we had made it back to the hotel I loosened my belt and let out a sigh of relief from the over-eating I’d just indulged in.  I’d like to say I went out for a night on the town after that…but…I didn’t.  In fact, I passed out early.  Those big meals will kill you!  Pumba, refusing to let the night end, went with Cronos to Sheri’s.  It is my understanding that Pumba drank a little too much ‘medicine’ that evening and gave everyone at the ranch quite the laugh.  I wasn’t there….so I’m not sure…you will have to ask Cronos about it or poke fun at Pumba for it! :)

Tuesday…and Losing Perspective

In the morning hours, Ubi, Stripe, and I decided to check out the Forum Shops and do a little shopping.  I bought some cologne that – for those that read my trip reports of the past will prompt a memory – was the very cologne that had Deadpool telling me I ‘smelled real nice’ on my last trip.  I’ve avoided using it in his presence ever since to avoid being molested or anything.

We made the decision to have lunch at a very nice place in the shops.  I don’t recall the name of it but I got a fabulous meal.  That, naturally, was enough to make me happy.  Following lunch, Stripe and I were headed out to Sheri’s to pick up Pumba.

Stripe and I shared some great conversation in the car on the way out to Sheri’s.  It was a nice, uneventful drive….no tumbleweeds to speak of (shut up, Cronos!).  When we arrived, we enjoyed an afternoon with the ladies in the bar.  Cronos had been suggesting that I break out of my rut and try partying with someone other than Lilly, worried that I might risk ‘losing perspective’ if I didn’t.  He did have a valid point, but I really wasn’t sure who to party with.  As it turned out, I did attempt a negotiation with Kat, but that didn’t pan out.  I kind of felt bad that we couldn’t come to an agreement….well…at least until I saw Mercedes! 

Mercedes was this hot little blonde number that had started working at Sheri’s not long before my visit.  I haven’t seen her in the line-up for a while so I’m not sure if she’s still there or not but….yeah…she’s a hottie.  She’s young, all natural, and has a great personality.  I decided I’d give it a go with her…but she wouldn’t clear until the next day.  I left Sheri’s that day intending to return the following day and party with Mercedes. 

Final Day

I arose on my final day and completed packing.  The time for the trip to end was at hand.  We checked out of the hotel and decided to do another touristy stop at M&M World and Game Works.  It was a fun time, but I’m not sure if I’d go back.  Perhaps some of my ‘blah’ impression of it had to do with the fact that I had Mercedes on the brain.  Cronos eventually gave me the tap on the arm and I knew it was time to go.

Back to Sheri’s we went….and this time I had a purpose.  It wasn’t long before I caught up with Mercedes in the bar.  She and I talked for a bit before deciding to make our way back to her room.  They had placed Mercedes in one of the little rooms.  It made for a tight fit, but we made it work.  We negotiated for a bit, but finally came to an agreement.  After the party concluded, Cronos and I hung out for a bit longer before making our way back to town. 

I was able to catch a final meal at In-N-Out Burger before meeting up with the guys at the Las Vegas sign.  This was out last destination before making our way to the airport.  We had a series of pictures taken by the iconic sign and then said some fond farewells.  We made our way to McCarran and it finally hit us that the trip was over!

We got though security once again without incident and made our way to our gate.  We had some time to kill prior to our flight….so we sat there in almost a coma-like state.  We were tired.  It had been a long trip to say the very least and the trip home would be long.  I boarded the plane and within minutes of take-off I was asleep.  We had a connecting flight….somewhere….I was too zoned to remember where the fuck we were.  We got to Baltimore the next morning and then I slept in the car on the way home.

Another trip had come to a close….another adventure was officially history!

***

I woke up from my coma about four in the afternoon.  I figured it would be a good time to start the trip report…but…didn’t.  In fact, since September, I’ve thought many times about writing the dang thing and posting it.  Alas, the search for a house, more filming in the latter part of the year, a new documentary project, work, the holidays, and other general stuff have made it difficult to find the time.

As I sit almost 4 months removed from the trip, I’m contemplating how long I’m going to keep doing this.  I’m getting older and the time to ‘settle down’ seems to have somewhat passed me by.  I guess, in a way, my biological clock is ticking.  Not sure how many more ‘runs’ in Nevada ole’ Dex has left in him, but I’ve long maintained that when my time has come to end my time as ‘Dex’ and leave LPIN behind I’ll do so quietly and with grace.  I’m anticipating one to two more trips before I’m done.  Only time will tell when and where those trips will take me – or who I will party with or where – but one thing I know for sure is this most recent trip will not be forgotten for years to come.

Dex